Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize