hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
