is your mom at the bar?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
