Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
