we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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