Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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