I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
