no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
