I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
