In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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