Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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