I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
