so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
