sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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