i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
