hotel room ftw
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
