Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
be right there i have to get my cape
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
