we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
