saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
