if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
