i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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