I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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