If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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