sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
