Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
