I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
