Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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