Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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