So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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