Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
