Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
