we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize