pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Houston, we have a squirter
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
