I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
