why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
