Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
