so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
