It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
