dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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