I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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