Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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