I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We are all done wearing pants today
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
