Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
