I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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