Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
