I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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