so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
