Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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