they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
