she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize