I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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