I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
