But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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