I think I just saw someone hide a body.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
