"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
