Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
