what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
