yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
