So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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