my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
