why didn't you poke me back
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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