I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
