Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
