i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
