17 year olds will be the death of me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
