Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
