I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
