So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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