You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
