How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
