I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
