how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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