I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Girls should come with a carfax report
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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