Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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