the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
