He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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